But the country is in her veins
Images of Rocky Top swirl
And her ache of being there, pains
900 miles away
In a world focused on--now
That girl dreams about the day
The day she says ciao
And she is home
A home where she has yet to live
But the feelings she has there are enough
Until then she is deprived
And she has to put up with city stuff
Surrounded by the smokey mountains
Where she's not bothered in nature
The small ache not satisfied--wanting
Waiting for the day her labor
Brings her to her home
I think that this had a good "flow" and sounds authentic-- as in, I believe it's about you! I understand the feeling of feeling like a place (one you've visited once or more, or never) feels like home. You'll get there soon :)
ReplyDeleteFilled with longing and poignant. I'm usually not a fan of rhyming, but it works here because you have captured a rhythm.
ReplyDeleteI admire your ability to put something so thoughtful together, especially a poem! As Melanie said, I can tell it's about you wanting to get away and I love the flow of it. Good post!
ReplyDeleteSome lovely images. I was especially taken with the swirling images of mountain peaks. Was this in response to the Dolly Parton song? I dont know the song well, but I recognize Rocky Top. She is amazing. I love her. Maybe Ill write a poem based on Jolene!
ReplyDeleteYou've made good utilization of your rhyme scheme here without violating or drifting too far from it. On top of that, you have a few really creative spots in here; rhyming "now" with "ciao", brilliant.
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